Detoxify Your Communication - Improve Your Relationships! | The ...

As we talk about ?Detoxing Your Lifestyle? this month, our Healthy Communication Expert, JoJo Tabares, is sharing some very valuable points with us on detoxifying our communication!? This two-part article is rich with tips, pointers, and real-life help to learn to remove inflammatory words from our communication, to better our relationships!? We welcome your comments about ?detoxifying your communication? below!

Most conflicts come about because of toxic words (inflammatory language), or at least words that are deemed toxic by the receiver(s). ?There is almost always a way to say something without creating a conflict, but it requires grace, understanding your audience, carefully chosen words?and prayer doesn?t hurt either!? This month, I?d like to share with you how we can inflame others?often without knowing it, the result of toxic words and how to detoxify your communication in order to ensure more effective, grace-filled and healthy relationships.

1. Your words can be toxic whether you mean them to or not.
Most of us can recognize when a person is intending to spew hatred, ill-will or start an argument just by the words they use.? Some of the most obvious is foul language, but others are not as obvious. In fact, you may never even know that the other person took offense.? I?m sure you?ve experienced a time or two in your life when you either said or written something that someone took inexplicable offense to.? You had no idea why, but the other person made it painfully clear that he didn?t appreciate whatever it was he interpreted as e-VIL (pronounced with a maniacal tone and accented on the last syllable).

However, I?m equally certain that you?ve experienced a time when you posted or said something for which the other party made no comment and you wondered why.? It may have been because he took offense, but did not take the time to share why.? I?m sure you have done this to others.? You?ve seen a Facebook post that offended you, but instead of taking the time and trouble to open a can of worms by voicing your opposition, you simply ignored it.? You may have even unfriended that person or made a metal note that you didn?t like them because of what they posted. What was it about the post that offended you?? Sometimes it was the topic.? Other times, I?d be willing to bet it was the words they chose to use.

Have you ever had a time in your life where you were offended by something someone implied because of the words they used?? I?d also be willing to bet that there was a time when you had occasion to go back and discuss the issue with that person and found that they hadn?t meant it the way it sounded.? Didn?t you?? How did you feel about having been upset with them for no reason?? Did you wish you had asked for clarification and avoided months or even years of ill-will?? I?ll bet you did and I?ll bet others have felt the same way about something you once said or posted.

2. What does toxic language do?
The result of toxic words are the ABCs of offense:

* Accuse
Sometimes the words you use will give the other person the impression that you are accusing them of doing something immoral, illegal or otherwise wrong.? Posts that attempt to inform readers of an obscure fact can end up accusing them of evil doing. For example, ?XYZ Software ISN?T free!? As Christians, we should have more integrity than that!?

Now the fact that XYZ Software was advertized as free by many different communities including their own website led everyone to believe it was free.? Unfortunately, the small print, which was only on their website and unavailable to the majority of the people who downloaded it from other sites, ?was also confusing.? Most people had no earthly idea they were in violation of the developer?s rules nor could most of them figure it out after they read the small print.? However, they most certainly felt that the author of this note had accused them of stealing and being a bad Christian.? I?m sure there would be a backlash of comments from upset post readers.? All this ill-will could have been avoided if the author of the post had chosen her words more carefully.? ?Most people don?t know this, but XYZ Software is only free for certain kinds of situations.? You can read their small print here: (www. XYZ Software. com).?????

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* Blame
Other times the words chosen will have the impression you are blaming the other party for something.? ?I told you not to leave the door open!?? Now Fred feels as if you are blaming him for Mary?s cat running off.? Bill?s words would have less of a sting if he had asked how it happened instead of jumping to conclusions or simply asking, ?Did you leave the door open? ?Do you know how she get out??

* Convict
Sometimes it?s not just the words we choose that are toxic but the venue. ?Occasionally, because a comment was made in public, it will not only convict someone of something, but embarrass them as well.? ?I?ve left you three messages asking you to give me pay me back for the car repair.?? If Bill had forgotten to repay Sheila, he is now convicted although he never did receive her phone messages.? The problem is that he is now convicted in public and likely embarrassed by his need for her offer to pay for his car repair and the fact that he had forgotten to repay her kindness. In fact, he may even feel Sheila is accusing him of welching on a debt.

It would have been better received had Sheila had simply asked him if he had received her phone messages.? Then Bill could have taken her aside to explain and make arrangements.? Another option would have been to pull Bill aside and say, ?I never did receive your check for the money I loaned you to repair your car.?? That would have given Bill the chance to apologize and rectify the situation.

For the rest of this post, and to learn HOW to detox your communication, join us again tomorrow!? In the meantime, please feel free to comment below on the challenges you face communicating in a healthy way?

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JoJoTabares

JoJo Tabares holds a degree in Speech Communication, but it is her humorous approach to communication skills which has made her a highly sought-after Christian speaker and writer. Her articles appear in publications such as Homeschool Enrichment Magazine and The Old Schoolhouse Magazine. You can read more on communication FUNdamentals and Christian-based communication skills for the whole family, at http://www.ArtofEloquence.com. You can also find JoJo here in our community, sharing her expert communication skills and gifts with us!

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